dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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