I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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