Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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