what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
