Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
