When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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