Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
