The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
