Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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