Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
