just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
