I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
