I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
