My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
that is very illegal...i love you.
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