Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
