Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
