Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
