so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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