from now on my penis is your penis
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
