i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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