Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
