We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
