dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
