Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
