it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
