1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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