It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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