your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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