woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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