i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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