I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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