Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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