They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want to be your penis for a week.
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That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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