I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
