i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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