i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
