I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
