It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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