He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
