I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
