im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
