So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
