you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
