Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
