Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
