I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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