the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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