dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
that is very illegal...i love you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
