I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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