When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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