Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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