70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
