I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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