So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
