I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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