Yo dont text me then not text me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
