We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
