and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
