My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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