you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
