Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
