The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
