she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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