Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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