that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
