I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
