im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
