My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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