I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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