If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
