He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
