its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
