You're like the curious george of whores
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
