I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
