I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
